April 16

Dear G.,

I got back from California a few days ago. The trip was wonderful. The first day I was there Eric [Holman], one of the editors, picked me up at the airport. (I really enjoyed the flights, I like flying.) He wasn't what I expected though I don’t know what I expected, really. He reminded me of a "Brad" right off. We went and I met Mr. Harmon, the guy who runs the bondage company. He was really nice too.

California

Eric Holman

I took a nap that evening and then Eric took me to Rocky Horror. Eric is about 35 or so and he'd never seen anything like Rocky. The Rocky show out in Los Angeles is definitely the best show I ever saw. I had a great time and so did Eric. In fact I asked him to dress up like Brad and since he wears glasses we were a cute Brad-and-Janet duo. Someone asked us what performing group we were from.

On Sunday we drove to M.’s and we all went out to eat. They got along well so we went and played pool for a while.. That was fun. I already had kind of a crush on Eric.
 

I stayed in a funny little hotel with no telephone. It had corny old bedspreads and those typical paintings of Spanish dancers and bullfighters. The bathrooms had been rebuilt though so that was very nice and new.

My hotel room

The next day Eric took me to a leather-and-restraint store. It was so great! All kinds of neat leather outfits and corsets and fancy bondage stuff. It wasn't exactly Eric’s type of place but he was nice about it; after all, he was my tour guide. I tried on three leather corsets there but none really fit. That was disappointing. But I bought some cute little bitty chains, which have been popular with Jace since I got home.

I spent that afternoon alone at Eric's while he went to work. I watched bondage videos that belonged to Harmony. It was neat to see really old ones and see how things have changed historically.

Debra Lee's tree

in Eric's apartment

For dinner Eric and I went to a Mexican restaurant and I can remember how funny I felt with him by then, sitting there looking at his arms. He has really built-up arms from lifting weights. He has really nice body. I couldn't believe how much I liked him. You would laugh because he looks a bit like Woody Allen with his hair neatened up.

I might as well keep talking about Eric since that's all I think about anyway. He used to be a history teacher. He’s very intelligent and his sense of humor is very good -- I always think a sense of humor is sexy.

On Tuesday we went to the Harmony office and did some paperwork. That was pretty fun to sit there and do some of the processing.. We had lunch with the office people -- they’re all so nice!

That afternoon Eric and I went to the Trashy Lingerie store. You have to see this store sometime. It was amazing, they had old-fashioned corsets and fancy negligees and weird stuff with tiger prints etc., etc.

The whole place reminded me of that bizarre corset Madonna wears in the "Like a Virgin" video, the white one with netting on it? Eric said to me "I'll bet Madonna shops here." He went up to one of the shop ladies and said "Madonna orders from here, doesn't she."

They said "yup." So I guess a lot of the Hollywood women go in there. I'1l bet that crazy black leather thing of Madonna’s with the pointy metal tits was made there.

I tried on a corset and the girl asked me what I exactly wanted: I described the corset I wanted and their seamstress came in and measured me and I’ll be getting it in the mail pretty soon. I’m excited about that. I wish I'd had your measurements so I could've bought you something there; the costumes were just amazing.

Then Eric and I went walking on a beach, which was nice. I felt a little embarrassed because he’s a foot fetishist so every time I take off my shoes around him I feel uncovered. But I found out from the other women who work for the company that they all feel funny when they’re barefoot around him. It's just that you know he thinks they're sexy. Feet I mean.

That evening we sat around Eric's place and he lifted weights while I watched videos and looked at my Calvin & Hobbes comic book. I watched him lift his weights a little and that was fun. That was when I noticed how muscular his legs were. They were just as big and ripply as his arms.

On Wednesday I went to my appointment with Mr. Harmon and it was basically like an interview. He told me he would like me to be an editor there. I was really blown away, I had been hoping to work there but being an editor is a big thing! I was just shocked. He also talked about what he would want me to do.

He’s thinking about retiring so he's looking for people to take over his work load.
 

That night Eric and I dressed up and went to a fancy restaurant for dinner. He looked really nice and I wanted to ravage him. When I think back on it I can hardly believe I'd only been there a half a week by then. This guy gives me butterflies.

After dinner we met up with M. and went to the Improv Comedy nightclub. We were there for about 4 hours and I laughed until my sides hurt.

On Thursday they hired me a bondage model (Marley Haze) and I tied her and took photos. That was really different! But she was a nice girl, and cooperative, and I made lots of jokes so she had fun and laughed a lot. Afterward she said it had been nice to work for me.

Then Eric did one photo shoot with her. He was always telling her to point her toes. (It's really interesting how important that is to some foot fetishists.) In his shoot he had her wear a shirt that I made for Mr. Harmon and him; it says "Harmonize" and I drew a music staff and little eighth-notes tied together. He had the model wear it so maybe the pictures will be in one of the Bondage Life issues and people will see the shirt! How neat!

That afternoon I worked in an office of Mr. Harmon’s.

That evening I went to a party with the office people from Harmony. We ate lasagna and talked and stuff. I met a guy who likes to be tied up in garter belts and women's stockings, that was interesting to me to meet a real person like that. Eric drank a lot of beer, which surprised me, I know he’s not much into beer. I think he gets tense at parties because the women go barefoot. That's just a theory.

They lent me a book and video of oriental bondage which was extremely interesting. I liked it but a lot of the other office people don't. I wish I could see more international bondage. I don t suppose there’s any way for you to find me some German porn is there?

On Friday I had lunch with Mr. Harmon and he made me a salary offer. It’s more than what I make at S.  But because living in California is so expensive, I actually won’t live much differently there.

That night I went to a "shoot party," where a photographer (JayDee) was doing a bondage photo shoot and people came and helped. He’d fix up the studio and tie the model, then he’d have like three people help him take pictures. That way you finish faster so the model doesn't have to be tied up as long.

In between shoots there was some film left over so I tied up a guy in garter belt, fishnet stockings and he had high-heel black leather boots, they were so cool! It was fun.

At the end of the evening I had the photographer do a shoot of me, just for our own albums, not for publication. I wore my mother’s old white corset and stuff and he did a very basic tie job on me. I wouldn't've had the nerve to do this but Eric was nearby and I knew if I got uncomfortable I could call for him. I didn't want a bunch of people helping take the pictures, though, it would have made me feel vulnerable. I just had the one guy do it, with the studio door closed.

Incidentally that roll of film didn’t come out so nobody got to see it.

Saturday morning M. dropped me off at a big fancy mall. I wandered around shopping for a skirt, because I’d asked Eric to do a shoot of me. I figured that if I decided not to move to California, at least I’d always have some bondage photographs of myself done by a professional! Eric does bondage shoots for the company fairly regularly. He mostly likes to tie women up with their shoes off, as you would guess!

Anyway I knew he’d want me to wear a skirt for the pictures, because he likes the model to be completely dressed very nicely. I finally found a skirt and met up with M. We went to join Eric and had dinner in an Italian place. M. knew by that time that I had a big crush on Eric so she asked him what kind of feet he likes. (I’d told her I didn't think Eric liked me because I had flat feet.) He said any feet were sexy. M. said "even flat ones?" I could’ve died, I felt like it was so obvious. But he said, yes, they're fine, so I was glad she asked. As you can tell I’m completely enamored of this guy.

After dinner we walked around this mall-type area of the city. Can you imagine 24-hour shopping in the city? It was great. We were going to go to Rocky Horror again but I was so tired we decided to go home.

On Sunday, some of the office staff took Eric and me to a flea market at the Rose Bowl football stadium. It was huge. We could have walked around for days! We just spent a few hours there. Eric bought a huge coil of electrician's rope for a future bondage shoot. I was almost jealous that the rope would be used on some other model.
 

The second tie was for any pose he wanted to do. (That was our deal, that the first tie would be all my ideas and the second one all his.) I put on the skirt I’d bought and a summer top. He said they were good choices which made me happy, after all that shopping I did for a nice skirt. He brought out his rope bag; he had almost as many ropes as I did. His were really old, he'd had them about two years, so the shiny nylon wasn't quite white any more.

He tied me up in the basic Detective-magazine style: wrists, ankles, knees together, rope around the chest, and tie wrists to ankles in back. It was snug and cozy, I think the best job I've ever had. Then he put a kerchief around my mouth and took pictures. I think he was really satisfied with how I looked. I had a lot of fun and rolled around a lot.

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When he finished taking pictures he asked if I wanted to be untied and I shook my head no. So he cleaned up the room and packed away the spotlights and cameras. I rolled about enjoying myself. After he was all done he asked again if I wanted to be untied but I shook my head no. So he sat down and looked at me.

Occasionally he would tickle my feet but otherwise he was very reserved and proper. I confess I really wished he would do something else. But he’s a super shy person in some ways, and if anything was on his mind, he kept it to himself. I do feel that we had a special chemistry between us, yet we never talked about that. After a while I felt very frustrated, but I was still happy to be all tied in front of him like that. I think he liked to look at me.

He asked me if I could get loose so finally I tried to get free. It took a long time but I found a knot to untie and gradually got everything loose. I was actually a little sad to be finished.

We went over to his apartment and ordered pizza. We sat around that last evening talking and watching the television. He said some things to me about his past relationships and about not being ready for any, it was all somewhat vague but I think perhaps it was for my benefit. I think he meant to say that he liked me but he didn't want to be involved with anyone currently. He didn't really make it clear whether he was talking about us specifically or just making conversation.

He decided to take a shower before we were to leave so I asked him to take off his shirt just once. !!!  It was the most fascinating chest. He was so fuzzy and it was super-dark hair, like a furry tummy of a bear or something. The hair tapered up to the neck gradually, like a Christmas tree pattern.

While he took his shower I put a goodbye/thankyou card I'd bought in his refrigerator. That was kind of a little joke because I'd been teasing him about his empty bachelor-refrigerator. Then we went over to my hotel room and I packed up and showered too.

It was a long drive to the airport and I was pretty sad. Eric said he knew I would come back. But sometimes I wasn't sure whether I was really going to take the job. At the airport I don't think I said a word the whole time. When we hugged goodbye I don't think I even said goodbye. I really wanted to say something but I was afraid I would say something unreal or personal.

The second night I was home he called me at midnight. He had the pictures back from our shoot. We talked for about an hour. I think he liked the pictures and he said he’d mail copies to me. I told him I miss him and then I was sorry I said it. As you might guess I can’t even tell if I’m in love with Eric or something.

Chaz could tell. He asked who I’d met.

I’m pretty sure I’ll take the job. It’ll be the most incredible change in my life because I’ll leave behind Chaz and Jace (I can’t hardly imagine not seeing Jace) and everyone and everything. But I can’t pass up the chance to be an editor and really test myself.

They’re printing four pages of my letters in the May issue of Bondage Life. I’d like to mail it to you if possible. The first two pages of the front of the issue are also Carla! A picture of her and something she wrote about bondage. I’m pleased.

Wish me luck with everything. By the time you come back I’ll be in California. I hope you’ll visit me by the end of the year, maybe for a week.

Isn’t it funny how much this year has changed us? It’s amazing to me.