November 12

Last night I went to pick up some of the vacation pictures. The pictures of Terrie in the rocking chair aren't very good. The damn flash was a straight-on flash and it gave her red-eye. Yugh. I'm sure the black and whites will be better.

After I got the pics I wandered around the store, going slowly up each aisle, evaluating everyday objects for possible bondage use. (This is how I bought those wonderful inexpensive tent-stakes.) I bought c-clamps and ping-pong balls. I really need to get a rubber ball in a slightly larger size.

When I got home, I was full of anticipation. First I put the c-clamps on. They didn't hurt at all and I found I could put them on securely enough to walk around the room and lean forward and everything. I felt so erotic! I just had to put on my 3" brass rings. I didn't want to mess with strapping them on so I taped them on with clear medical tape. That looked really strange, the rings taped to my body and the rounded, spherical breasts with nipple-clamps attached. I poked holes in a ping-pong ball and made a ballgag. I put that in and found it to be comfortable. In terms of gag-rating I would place it a B or B+. I checked a mirror and decided it didn't look as bad as I'd imagined. In fact I can see where some would find it attractive.

Over the course of the evening I used my vibrator four times. Yes, I had four orgasms yesterday!

After I unwound a little I tried tying the ballgag against my vagina. That worked superbly -- it applies constant pressure in just the right spot! It's like Almost being penetrated, perpetually. I wrapped scarves around my ankles and upper legs so I could tape them together with PVC tape. Then I lay around looking at all the mags that Mr. Harmon has been mailing me. I don't know how I'm going to catch up... as I stated, I want to go through them on quality time.

I taped my mouth shut with medical tape before I started reading. I think that the ideal gag, to me, would be a semi-sphere made of plastic which fit in the front half of the mouth but molded to the sides somewhat. This would restrict movement of the lips, but the tongue could move and I could swallow. I'll have to see if I can create this gag for myself.

I do like my new dildo; it's certainly a fat little friend, and is good for pressure during orgasm.

I had dinner with Chaz tonight and told him how I bought nipple-clamps and made a ballgag. He was not surprised. He's so laid back. Ya know.

The November Bondage Life may be out by now. I wonder if Harmon really printed my letter? I have mixed feelings about it... I'll be nervous about corresponding with these people, and will I ever have the nerve to meet one of them? I don't think I could enter into bondage with someone... even a fetishist... until I'd been involved with them for a long time. It's just a very personal, intimate thing to me; it makes me feel vulnerable. In fact, even though I've known Chaz for years, I haven't yet suggested that he have sex with me while I'm tied -- though I know he'd be very willing and it wouldn't discolor the experience for him. I just... well, I have the hang-up about not being able to control my arousal, and when I get ropes or tape on me, all the blood and heat rushes to my face and burns my cheeks... It's phenomenally personal.

We only live once -- so I hope eventually I can relax enough to have some wild experiences with my fetishes.

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